What Happens After Pregnancy and Infant Loss?

Every October, I join families around the world in remembering babies who died during  pregnancy or infancy. I light candles in memory of my daughter, Shamiah, who was  stillborn, and my son, Jackson, who died from a fatal neural tube defect. I think about the  years that have passed, the lives I imagined for them, and the many ways I have learned to  carry their memory. 

I am grateful that Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month creates opportunities for  families to speak openly about their babies. At one time, conversations like these rarely  happened, and for many families, that silence still exists. 

As I reflect on my own experiences, I often think about the parts of pregnancy and infant  loss that receive far less attention. I remember how little attention was given to everything I  was experiencing beyond the loss itself. There was so much happening physically and  emotionally, and I was left trying to understand much of it while grieving my children. When a baby dies, the mother's body does not suddenly stop the physical processes  associated with pregnancy and birth. Depending on the circumstances of the loss, we may  still experience postpartum bleeding, hormonal changes, breast tenderness, and milk  production. Our bodies continue through recovery while we are trying to understand how to  live without our babies. 

I remember my milk coming in after my losses and how it became another painful reminder  of what should have been. I had prepared to nourish my babies, yet I was producing milk  with no baby to feed. The physical discomfort was difficult, but the emotional weight  deserved just as much attention. I needed someone to recognize that what was happening  to my body was connected to what I was experiencing in my grief. 

Over time, I began to understand that the physical changes were only part of what I was  trying to navigate. My grief reached into areas of my life I had never anticipated, affecting  how I functioned, how I connected with others, and how I managed everyday  responsibilities. 

Through my work supporting families after pregnancy and infant loss, I have also seen how  grief affects partners, who may be navigating their own pain while carrying the expectation  that they must remain strong for everyone else. My experiences, along with those I have  seen in other families, have shaped the work I do through Of Her Womb & Co., where I  advocate for care that recognizes the physical, emotional, and practical needs throughout  the perinatal health journey. 

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that those needs do not necessarily  disappear as time passes. They change.

The support a family needs in the first few days may be different from what they need six  months or several years later. Unfortunately, people around us may begin to assume we are  doing better. We may have returned to work, resumed family responsibilities, or found ways  to participate in everyday life, but none of those things means our grief has ended. This is  why I believe families need access to resources that recognize both the immediate and  ongoing experiences of loss. 

Postpartum Support International offers free online pregnancy and infant loss peer-support  groups, including dedicated spaces for Black mothers and Black fathers. Organizations  such as Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support and Return to Zero: HOPE also provide  opportunities for connection, education, and remembrance. 

For mothers navigating lactation after loss, the Star Legacy Foundation, La Leche League  USA, and KellyMom offer information about milk suppression, managing discomfort, and  options for expressing or donating breast milk. 

These resources can help families better understand their choices and prepare for  conversations with their healthcare professionals. I wish more mothers received this  information as part of their care instead of having to search for answers while already  overwhelmed by grief. 

This October, I hope we continue lighting candles, sharing stories, and remembering babies  whose lives mattered. I also hope we become more attentive to the mothers and fathers  who are learning to live after their loss even when October ends. 

Where to Find Support 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support 

• Postpartum Support International: Free online pregnancy and infant loss support  groups, and HelpLine resources. 

o Black Moms in Loss: Thursdays at 8pm ET 

o Black Dads in Loss: 4th Sunday each month at 9 PM ET 

o Black Moms Connect: Every Tuesday 7:30pm ET/4:30pm PT AND 1st Tuesday  of the month @ 1:30pm EST/10:30am PST 

• Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support: Bereavement support and education for  families. 

• Return to Zero: HOPE: Education, connection, and support following pregnancy and  infant loss. 

Lactation After Loss 

• Star Legacy Foundation: Lactation After Loss 

• La Leche League USA: Lactation After Loss 

• KellyMom: Lactation After Loss

A healthcare provider or International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC)  experienced in bereavement care can also provide individualized guidance on lactation  suppression, managing discomfort, and milk donation. 

About the Author 

LaKisha Headley, M.S., is a maternal health advocate, educator, speaker and Founder of Of  Her Womb & Co., supporting women through fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, lactation,  and loss. She serves as Assistant Manager of Grief & Loss Groups at Postpartum Support  International. With more than 20 years of maternal support experience and her own  experiences with pregnancy and infant loss, LaKisha advocates for compassionate,  connected care that recognizes the needs of women and families beyond the immediate  crisis.